It Might Get Messy

Here’s a question for you. How is cancer like rugby? Answer—they both have a zillion obscure movies about them, and one each a “major” film. I must admit I’ve never actually seen “Love Story” (cancer’s big screen success), and I’ve only seen bits and pieces of “Invictus” (rugby’s). But I HAVE seen “The Guitar”, a very good, artsy, sexy, and original cancer film. Most of the rest of what you get if you search “cancer movie” on Amazon is crap. There’s an amazing number of “we-know-how-to-cure-cancer-but-the-evil-FDA-won’t-approve-our-treatment” films. And, to go with the general conspiracy stuff, there’s one claiming Cannabis cures cancer. At least the rugby movies make an attempt at being legitimate. Whether or not they succeed, I dunno. Haven’t watched ‘em.


When he peered into my mouth a couple weeks ago, Dr. H said “Hey, your throat looks better than I’ve ever seen it”. Then he said “Man, it’s still really swollen in there, though”. I pointed out that those statements seemed inconsistent. He said “no, I told you, it’s gonna take a couple years for that swelling to go away. For one year, you’re looking great”. I thought, but didn’t say, “%&*(*&^%$#$%^&*P{“.


Then I went home, put on my anti-lymphedema headgear, got some sleep, and flew to Europe. Where I spent a week choking down pasta, sausages, cheese, liver dumplings, smoked fish, jellied pork with horseradish sauce, and literally kilograms of white asparagus in every recipe imaginable. One night I drank two half-liter beers and a couple glasses of trocken Riesling, so dry it was almost sour. Oh, and gelato. Lots of gelato. 


End of the week, my throat was REALLY swollen. But I’d only lost a few pounds, despite walking endless kilometers around Berlin on a daily basis, I’d managed to survive on actual solid food as opposed to Instant Breakfast and chocolate milk, and I’d convinced myself I could travel overseas without nutritional disaster.


Of course, that was in Europe, where a variety of cuisines are available, the tap water is potable, and bottled juices are available on every corner. Monday, I leave for the Philippines. I’ll spend one night in what is reputed to be a marginal hotel (i.e., tripadvisor.com reports that a fair proportion of the rooms support dense populations of roaches) in Manila. In Manila, at least, I expect to be able to find bottled juices and a variety of cuisines. After that, we head to Mindanao, which is a little more…exotic, and a lot more rural and remote. On Mindanao, the locals don’t speak Spanish or Tagalog, they speak a Malay or Javanese language. Falciporum malaria (the deadly species) is rampant. Drinking water in all forms is marginally hygienic at best. I have not idea what I’m gonna eat, but I’m guessing my throat is going to be even more swollen after this trip than the one to Germany.


On the plus side, Mindanao has four species of cobras, including one spitter and the King Cobra, many very cool species of arboreal colubrid snakes and countless viper and pitviper species, and more lizards, scorpions, frogs, and birds than you can imagine. I have my camera, my malaria prophylactic, and my Cipro in case of digestive system screw-ups. 


My post cancer body may take something of a beating over the course of two weeks in the rural Philippines. But we’ll get some awesome material and photos for posting on http://docviper.livejournal.com/ . I’ll put up one more German episode before I leave. Assuming I can find occasional wi fi, I’ll post ongoing natural history stuff from the Philippines. 


When I get back, I’m gonna watch The Guitar again. And maybe Forever Strong, just to balance the cancer with some rugby. I assume they play cricket and field hockey in the Philippines, but I’m not sure. I’ll let you know. And if I find a magical cancer cure in the form of some obscure flower nectar found only in one small highly endangered stream watershed in northern Mindanao, I’ll be sure to write down very carefully the details. No sense ending up like Sean Connery in Medicine Man.