It Might Get Messy

And sometimes it gets very messy. So messy it compresses your spirit, collapses your perspective, convinces your intellect that it’s as dark as it seems and there’s no sliver of daylight for a wedge of humor or irony. Basically leaving you whining and bereft of resources. And just about the time you reach that muddy bottom of the stinking anoxic soup that your life has become, you realize someone else is even worse off. And at that point, a spark burns deep inside, because you know the world—or at least said unfortunate individual stuck deeper in the dark goo than you are—NEEDS humor and irony. You rally. Do your job as a human being. And at the same moment discover that you’re not nearly as bad off as you seemed moments ago.


What triggered this Sunday evening harangue? The mother of one of Molly’s high school friends was diagnosed with tongue cancer, much like mine although it hadn’t made it full blown to adjacent glandular tissues—call it Stage 3. She is being treated at Greater Baltimore Medical Center, by the same head and neck cancer specialists who diagnosed and treated me. To save her, they had to surgically remove her entire tongue. They rebuilt it with a chunk of thigh muscle. This woman will have no taste for the rest of her life, and she’ll have to learn to talk by teaching a slab of leg meat to speak English.


And I thought I was having trouble getting my voice back. Jeez.


Anyway. I had an appointment with my oncology dentist (when I say that, doesn’t it sound like I have a whole staff at my command? “Wendy, please ask Charles to come to the Great Hall when he’s finished starching my wardrobe. The Sterling needs polishing…”). Which I figured was a good thing—as my mouth has gotten stronger, my tongue strength and gape improving, I’ve noticed a dull ache in my left rear jaw when I press my molars with my increasingly functional tongue. And last Monday night, as Tim and I finished our three hour class at the university, I noticed my mouth was filled with blood.


I was in for my first cleaning since my diagnosis a year ago, but I mentioned the pain to Dr. C. He took a quick look inside and said “Ooh. Let’s get an X-ray of that.” These are not good words to hear from ANY dentist, much less an oncology dentist.


It turns out I have a naked stretch of jawbone exposed in my mouth. Which is now coated with a nasty microbial film making a good living off the bone surface and microvascularization. The explanation for this contretemps, according to Dr. C, is that mouth tissue surrounding the six (!) teeth they pulled in preparation for my radiation treatment last year didn’t have time to heal before it was devastated by the radiation. When the soft tissue fried under the particle beams, it sloughed off. Leaving a length of my jaw exposed to the bacterial elements. 


You know, I KNEW pulling those teeth wasn’t a good idea. But would anybody listen to me? Of course not. It is, apparently, a delicate balance. If your teeth are weak, the radiation kills ‘em and they rot in place. And in my case, if you yank the weak teeth, your mandible bone rots in place.


Sigh. Cancer. If it doesn’t get you coming, it gets you going. For all that, I’m actually doing rather well. My voice and gape are indeed improving apace. We spent the weekend in Atlanta feeding Colin at a high-end restaurant that cooks straight out of monumental encyclopedia Modernist Cuisine (they even put a spiced foam on Colin’s gorgeously crisped and perfectly cooked sea bass, served the rectangular chicken “nuggets” with spiced sauces in laboratory pipettes and a little blob of “encapsulated” blue cheese, and offered bleu cheese sorbet with the dessert assortment. The latter was not bad at all). I ate two whole slabs of chicken, half a crab hushpuppy, and a quarter-cup or so of incredibly rich cauliflower-cheese soup. I was still full this afternoon when we flew home after watching lacrosse Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.


So, in reality, I’m good. And grateful to you all for stopping by. Thanks so much!!! 


PS--don't miss my new weekly weblog on Global Sustainability over at http://www.aehsfoundation.org/ . If you have a few moments to kill, I think it's worth a read. But then I would, wouldn't I?