It Might Get Messy

Charles Mingus studied classical music and composition for years, and then went out and became one of the best and most original jazz bassists ever. He wrote groundbreaking music as well, played piano, led bands playing live around the world for decades. Then he was stricken with amylotropic lateral sclerosis, a paralytic disease of nervous system. First thing he could feel go were his fingers. Not long after, too young at 57, Mingus died of ALS.


I bring this up because numerous friends have pointed out the cruel sense of humor of the gods who would give me, devoted as I am to food, drink, music and public speaking, cancer of the tongue and throat. I will acknowledge that my gods, such as they are and when I take notice of them, seem to have perverse and ironic senses of humor. However, as a dilettante and marginally-to-un-talented cook, singer, and wine steward, I’d say I’m too small-time to be the target of any god’s cruel irony. Now Mingus. THERE was some irony.


As there was, for example, in Levon Helm getting throat cancer in the 90s. Having survived The Band, while carving out a niche as a singer-songwriter, Helm was diagnosed and passed on a laryngectomy in favor of a grueling (and with that I can truly sympathize) course of radiation and chemotherapy. By the 2000s, Helm was back singing and now he says his voice is 80% back. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.


Helm not ironic enough for you? How about Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen, losing his left arm in a car accident? Doctors reattached it, but the subsequent infection forced them to remove it permanently. Allen made it through the depression of waking up as a drummer without an arm, did some engineering and electronics, and was back in business.


Then there’s Pat Martino, genius jazz guitarist of Philadelphia. Had severe mental problems starting in the late 60s, with episodes so intense he underwent electroshock therapy to keep him in circulation. In the 1980s, his brain tumor was finally diagnosed and removed. The operation left Martino with amnesia in general and specifically without memory of how to play guitar. Took him seven years of re-learning to get back his facility.


Finally, Django Reinhardt. Practically invented modern jazz guitar in Paris clubs. Growing up in a French clan of Roma (Gypsies), one night the caravan he and his family lived in caught fire. Reinhardt and his neighbors rescued his wife and young son, and he ended up with two fingers on his left (chord) hand burned into permanent misshapen paralysis. While he was in the hospital, his brother brought him a new guitar. He taught himself to play fast (incredibly fast) jazz with just his two working fingers, using the damaged ones for chords.


Once again, my friends, the lesson for us is clear. The universe does not maliciously step into your life and smack you around for fun and games. The universe simply is. And bad shit happens all the time. And sometimes, ironically funny shit happens. You have to enjoy those wry moments, even the most tragic.


And me? I’m not bad. Have been trying to eat. My cousin suggested an entry or so ago that I make myself a big pot of pasta fagiole and let that slide down my throat. Which I am going to do tomorrow, in honor of my birthday. Meanwhile, the rest of the family ordered Italian takeout for dinner last night, so I threw in for a bowl of pasta fagiole. It was delicious and spicy. Two spoonfuls in, I got a bean stuck on the remnants of my epiglottis and wavered between choking to death and making myself crazy for like an hour before I could get rid of it. Tomorrow I’m thinking I’ll blend a portion of the fagiole into a smooth paste before I tackle it. 


Lots of travel coming up. Look for slapstick humor here, as I’m still not free of the liquid medical food and have to FedX it to hotels nationwide. Also, a heads-up Happy Birthday to Dr. Dan. Bet you never thought we’d make it to this point of life, did you Bubba? I can sure as hell tell you that just about a year ago next couple of months, I was very sure I wouldn’t make it here. 


Take that, universe. There’s your smeggin’ irony!