It Might Get Messy

Thanksgiving’s over, we’re starting that slide to the winter holidays, and I’m still alive. All of which is, nominally at least, a replay of this same time the past few years. Except. It was just before Thanksgiving two years ago that we discovered my cancer had beaten all the therapeutic ammunition we threw at it. It was right around this time that I went back to the hospital to have my tongue excised, and had a prescription for medical leeches (which come from the pharmacy in cute little harnesses. If I hadn’t been so devastated by the surgery and cancer recurrence I would have put some in little reindeer costumes. Opportunity missed—my bad), and had the entire lymphatic system cut from my throat and chest. In short, I was a mess, physically and psychologically.

Thanksgiving bailed me out of my “shitI’vegotcancerandI’mgonnadie” funk that year. I had a fabulous time, and an enormously important reminder of why life, whatever we have of it, is so beautiful. Got me through a whole year of physiology wars.

THIS year, we know the cancer not only recurred, it prevailed. It’s a bit of a surprise, and a tribute to the medical team at Greater Baltimore Medical Center, that I am not dead. Although I do LOOK dead (as Pete Townsend said of Keith Moon at the first show of their first Quadrophenia tour in San Francisco). I must note at this point that I tried to warn all Thanksgiving guests that I look horrific. Congratulations are due to all, as nobody choked, gagged, or recoiled visibly. In fact, Thanksgiving this year was, because of my “delicate condition” coupled to the love and friendship of all who attended, contributed, wished they could attend, or simply sent heartfelt greetings, even more life-affirming and fantastic than usual. It was, without doubt, The Best Thanksgiving Ever.

Reality will soon rear its ugly head, however. I will be dead in the not-too-remote future. Making this the Last Thanksgiving Ever for me. With that said, I would like to recount a few of the wonderful components that combined to make this 2014 Thanksgiving such an awesome party. Consider:

• The Bosbells took “longest trip” honors for getting here from the mountainous suburbs of Denver AND provided bagels that were a big hit throughout the proceedings
• A consortium of old friends and colleagues shipped in a selection of movie DVDs and music CDs, none of which were duplicates of titles already available in-house (how awesome is THAT in a place with nearly 10,000 audio CDs at least a couple hundred DVDs?), a bottle of Willamette Valley pinot noir that was like a silky, 15% alcohol, cherry-and-chocolate flavored syrup (in other words, absolutely frickin’ FANTASTIC), a true pastrymaker’s pie, and an outstanding, full flavored spiral-sliced ham that was voted “Best Main Dish” by a wide margin of guests
• The Y family contributed a fantastic free range turkey with massive quantity of meat on its frame. Then, when it became clear that I could not stand up long enough to de-bone said turkey, Dr. Y stepped in and, like a guest surgeon on an early episode of MASH, slipped the bones of that bad boy out and left the full-flavored meat and skin to stuff for the Maghreb style turkey, and Ms. J made sure we had an outstanding hand-crafted pumpkin pie for that classic Thanksgiving flavor
• The group as a whole put together a bar’s worth of high-end wines and beers, plus Dr. Y stepped in and replaced the bottle of Chinese Shit we emptied last year. I note that it is apparent that our group is aging, as several people reported this bottle of Gujingongjo was “not as bad as the other stuff”, a statement that can only be attributed to age-battered and generally dysfunctional taste buds
• The L family, who, along with Bob and G (who also came, bearing a classic and high-powered pecan pie) had strayed elsewhere in recent years, provided delicious frickin’ fried oysters from a really cool restaurant quality deep fat fryer, hand-smoked fish still being foraged by Jesse on his way to the night shift, plus, as a bonus, outstanding jambalaya that was slurped by the ravenous crowd in a frenzy that resembled nothing so much as a tour group of anorexic supermodels in a high-end Swiss chocolate shop
• Ms. M supplied smoked salmon, supplementing that assembled into cute cream cheese and pastry rolls, in addition to a fabulous dessert pie
• Dr. D M provided our south of the Mason Dixon Line cred with a luscious collard greens casserole and a life-saving, hangover-fighting breakfast casserole
• Ms. M of local provenance came bearing pumpkin bread, while Mr. E cracked a high-end bottle of bourbon which latter quickly found out this is NOT the kind of crowd good whiskey should mess with
• The kid’s Aunt V provided cranberry sauce and an innovative and refreshing lemon trifle
• Ms. L from the American Heartland shipped in a gorgeous bouquet that served perfectly as a centerpiece
• Frank J. from my Jurassic past made a four-hours-each-way drive to visit as the weekend wound down just to wish us a happy holiday and get us started thinking about Christmas and the New Year
• If I’ve forgotten anything or anyone above, please slap me around and I’ll edit this column in real time. I’m so grateful to all of you, so thankful, that I could easily have missed something in my enthusiasm. As usual, I need adult supervision (sad as it is for a 61 year-old!).

Many more thanks are due to the group for taking care of the cooking, none of which I could do as I was largely confined to my hospital-style bed, and for operating a rolling hygiene operation that kept dishes and counters clean, tables clear, and the other logistics operations that need doing for a party of 30. 

And finally, this. I noticed a number of you fighting back tears as we said our goodbyes. Clearly you looked me over and did the rough arithmetic regarding my appearance and the next time we might see each other. For most of us, I’m gonna lose that race, and I’ll be missing in action. In any case, I understand the sentiment, and I desperately wish I wasn’t causing you this pain. But there are some critically important things you need to know. 

I have lived a wonderfully rich and warm life. And collectively, much of said richness and warmth came directly from you, the readers of this column and the Thanksgiving crowd. You gave me opportunities, did science and natural history with me, made me laugh, helped me out, and in general made my life the funny, productive, complicated, joyful time it has been. For all that and more, I am eternally grateful. And I’m tearing up now, which seems more appropriate to me. I love you all and I thank you all. I’ll fight my way to the end, motivated by the love, friendship, perspective, humor, and learning you all have given me. I hope to die with a smile on my face, but it is possible I’ll lose my grip and will cry in any case. Either way, just know that I am thinking of you all the way from here to the end. 

A small selection of Thanksgiving photos follows below. Remember in most browsers you can enlarge by clicking or double-clicking each photo.  I owe many of you and especially several regular readers of this column email replies. I’ll get to those this evening and/or tomorrow. Tomorrow I go in for chemotherapy. I’m hoping massively that I don’t end up barfing my guts out, because it’s clear the chemo drugs are working, keeping me alive and breathing.

Thank you, everyone. I love you!!!