It Might Get Messy

Question: how is the U.S. Civil War like cancer? Answer: Stonewall Jackson. Consider.

Information is important. Really important. Good decisions don’t get made without good information. You can’t fight effectively in a clichéd “Fog of War”. And nobody illustrates this with more comic panache than Thomas J. “Stonewall” Jackson, former VMI professor turned fire-and-brimstone preacher who believed that Satan himself led the Yankee cause. 

Jackson got his nickname at First Manassas. As the confederate lines broke around his position, he stood at the head of his unit and gave the retreating men a rallying point. It was noted by cynics that he might have been standing like a “stone wall” out of dim sluggishness, but the legend lives otherwise. Over the next two years (give or take a couple zone-outs when he acted more sluggish than courageous) he became one of Lee’s most important and effective generals. Then at Chancellorsville, Virginia in 1863, Jackson and some of his officers rode ahead of their own lines chasing the damned (literally, he believed) Yankees, and he was shot by his own sentries on his return in the gathering darkness. 

Even in this abbreviated version, it’s clear there were way too many people taking too many actions on the basis of too little or too lousy information. 

I bring this up because I met with Dr. T today. Her read of the same scan I gave you a still from last entry (that scratchy, “non-tumorish”-looking chunk of my throat) is that possibly the tumor material itself, and certainly its malignancy, has shrunk since the prior scan. Doc T takes this as good information from which to conclude that radiation has a better chance of success than we believed just a few weeks ago. Acknowledging the nightmare side effects, Dr. T thinks the risk balance may have swung across the abyss to the “active treatment” side of the wheel. 

Not wanting to fall into that trap of under-interpreting available information or not seeing important interstices, we asked Dr. T to confer with Drs. H and N and give us some recommendations and thoughts. At least at that point we’ll have a basis to talk, and a basis that is the first hint of optimism in this case for a long time. 

We’ll see. There’s a tendency to see optimistic information as more reliable (for obvious but faulty reasons) than pessimistic. So I’m not jacking my hope-o-meter too high on the basis of this conversation. But I’m letting it look over in that direction. 

Just in case, I got some extra pain killers to back up the short-term dilaudid with some longer-term morphine patches. At least I’ll have enough meds to keep writing as long as possible!

Remember that over the weekend I’ll update my professional weblog at http://www.aehsfoundation.org/ (go to lower left on home page and click through to sustainability weblog). I give you a second shot at that piece by reprinting it every week at http://sustainablebiospheredotnet.blogspot.com/ . Also, now that spring is here, I want to get more of this weblog empire back in action. Here’s what I’m gonna do. Even BEFORE I went to see Dr T for the positive spin session, I’d test-driven my ability to crank out chapters of the Urban Ecosystems book that went on hold when I was originally diagnosed. Turns out the creative concept—short, to the point chapters of about 1000 word per—is perfect for how I can most effectively write now anyway. I figured if I could live 12 of the 18 outside months they gave me, I could finish that manuscript. Well, I now believe that even more strongly. So, over at http://docviper.livejournal.com/ I’m going to post chapters (no matter how drafty) of the Urban Ecosystems book along with the week’s photos from my rehabilitation hikes in local woodlands and parks. Finally, I’m going to get my artistic ass back in gear at http://www.theresaturtleinmysoup.blogspot.com/  and post literature, music, culture, food and food-related materials. Basically, by this Sunday night (that is, night of 21 April), there will be new material posted around the horn on the weblog empire. If you have the time (or the willpower), check ‘em all out. They’ll be running weekly from now on, if I remain as strong as I seem to be at the moment. 

And remember, my friends, everything word I’m able to type out is a testament to your love, friendship, encouragement, and great good humor. Special shout to Dave M. this week for the great guitar letter, with a kicker reminding him that it was me, after a trip to Oahu when I managed to find the best local used CD shop in lieu of the actual conference, who introduced him to Hawaiian Slack Key style guitar. Love you all!